I used to be such a perfectionist that I never allowed myself to make mistakes. Whenever I did things wrong, or even they were just not as good as I had expected, I depressingly longed to rewind my life and could not help but blame myself, which, to some extent, was a kind of self-tormenting. Last week, I watched the film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and surprisingly, I started thinking about if I still tend to erase any memories of one specific period, event, or person that was not “perfect.”
In this film, a loving yet seemingly mismatched couple, Joel and Clementine, undergoes experimental procedures to obliterate their memories of one another in the wake of their painful breakup. Paradoxically, like a prank, they have to relive their memories before making them removed. While doing so, Joel re-experiences his vivid moments with Clementine and sees why this bittersweet relationship failed. Realising he could have patched their relationship up, he fights to preserve the remaining memories of Clementine though he ends up forgetting her.
The story allows audiences to reflect on the necessity and value of memory. A similar sentiment appears in another comedic film released in the same year, 13 Going on 30, through a short dialogue between mother and daughter:
“Well, Jena, I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I don’t regret making any of them.”
“How come?”
“Because if I hadn’t made them, I wouldn’t have learned how to make things right.”
In fact, trying to remove memories, dismiss bad situations, or even evade responsibilities can merely treat the symptoms without addressing the root. As secular human beings, we all make mistakes. Making mistakes is not a sin; instead, mistakes can be gems if we know how to “make use of” them, which is why memory is essential. Without memory, people will likely shy away from the same issues, repeat past mistakes, and thus miss the opportunity to grow from them.
In my view, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is also a tale of hope, showing that love can be reborn out of heartbreak like rainy days can turn into something extraordinary — the sun comes out, and we see a rainbow with all the colours shimmering in the sky. When falling in love, people become vulnerable and insecure, inclined to (unconsciously) exaggerate the flaws of their relationship, wonder whether “the next” would be better, and then give up easily instead of working on it with each other. Especially in their youth, people believe they will meet many others with whom they will connect, but later in life, they realise it only happens a few times.
I asked myself after watching the film: If there were such a medical procedure to remove specific memories, “would I do so?” “No,” the answer arose firmly in my mind. Despite just being twenty-something, I have a sorrowful, crushed past, and there were copious moments when I was desperate to disappear from the world. But life keeps going, and the earth never stops rotating for one individual’s distress. This film also reminds me of a poem written by Rabindranath Tagore:
I have suffered and despaired and known death and I am glad that I am in this great world.
As the saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining, and I am convinced that, with memory, we all grow from the past, whether good or bad.
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