“Can straight men and women ever just be friends?” This topic has been constantly discussed since 1989 when the celebrated Hollywood film “When Harry Met Sally” raised it to the crowd. In fact, not only have the masses been in their quest for the answer, but some researchers have also applied themselves to verifying the likelihood for a heterosexual man and woman to form a platonic relationship. Even so, no one can give a clear, assured “yes or no” to solve the puzzle. In an era of gender equality, openness and modernness, it is liable to see this subject from renewed perspectives.
Far and near, cross-sex friendships play an integral role in the social relations of all individuals, while they sometimes lead to complications because of the potential for romance or sexual interactions, which causes people little faith in the so-called Platonic love. With a higher level of involvement, platonic relationships are more exclusive and devoted than friendships among cross-sex acquaintances. Therefore, it seems fair, especially for those already in a monogamous romantic relationship or marriage, to doubt the existence of platonic relationships and be concerned if their partners develop a strong, emotional or spiritual bond with people of the opposite sex. Some suspect the intention to build a platonic relationship and wonder, “why don’t they just get along if they feel so close to one another,” which exactly reaches the point, namely the critical distinction between a romantic relationship and a platonic one, where there is no sexual desire between the two parties.
Another question follows: “Can people really distinguish between physical and emotional intimacy?” Some can; some cannot. There are various customs and values, especially to date, and a range of sexual relationships or marriages has developed. Never should anyone criticise others on personal choices when nobody violates any law. (Incidentally, adultery decriminalisation can be another interesting topic worth debating.) For instance, open marriages and polyamory are scarcely accepted but may work well for couples with fully transparent communication. As a result, in a monogamous relationship or marriage, when one party clearly states that someone of the opposite sex is just a good friend, should the other not trust them if they have a clear conscience? Besides, all three can be friends together, like arranging for the two parties who do not know each other to meet so that there is nothing unrelatable or equivocal.
In my view, it may be a shame if someone fails to open themselves up to cross-sex relationships without always having sex or physical attraction into the equation. And such a mindset may narrow their minds to the extent that they can only get close to people of the same gender and then lose the chance to see how diverse their lives can be. I also feel that mutual trust is fundamental between a couple. We hear about extramarital affairs almost daily, and people involved seem to have a similar, cliché start: “We are just friends.” Later, their friendship becomes more than friends, and the emotional intimacy unfolds sexualised without surprise. However, those behaviours cannot be concrete proof of the impossibility of platonic relationships; instead, they only demonstrate the dishonesty of certain people. Thus, it appears more natural and honest even if a romantic and platonic relationship happens concurrently.
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