Courage ! Ma belle !
Physically strong but mentally weak, it’s me.
I seem to have an inclination towards pessimism since I was born, or earlier, and it became worse after I moved to France. Whenever getting frustrated or depressed, I did want to back down, wriggle out and then hide myself. At those moments, I felt alone and frightened. I’m always timorous, and afraid to lose things I own; even though I know there’s nothing eternal in life including life itself.
Living abroad alone is definitely hard. I do miss my hometown. And I get to have strong suspicions about myself. I couldn’t help but doubt the decision, and kept thinking what made me go on a road leading to indistinct future. Yet few weeks ago, I became aware that I haven’t been allowed to give up. At least not now. I’ve been bound, which is actually a pleasant thing. Someone right here, whom I deeply love, cares for me a lot. Every time I fell into the cavernous depths of fear, he reached out to me without any hesitation. Every time I pushed him away, he didn’t step back even a bit. “Courage! Ma belle,” he said to me again and again.
Écrit le 4 juillet à Aix-en-Provence